Diary of an Ex-Whore (Episode 3)

So I sat there waiting, playing out different scenarios in my head. What would I say, how would she respond? Should I serenade her with words or intoxicate her with my physical presence? What if I had read this all wrong? What if she was just looking for a friend and I had jumped the gun? Would she tell Emeka? Would she keep it to herself? What if she was game but we got caught? A lot of possibilities but I was sure only one would play out. Besides, I had crossed the rubicon, couldn't turn back now.

I lay back on the couch & decided to take off my shirt even though the air conditioner was on. Flipped channels a bit and finally settled on a romantic comedy movie. Half a movie gone & half a bottle wine later she still hadn't come. "Crap (sigh), all of this for nothing", I said to myself as I try to get a more comfy position on the wretched sofa. "All of what for nothing?". Huh? I turn back and see her, grey sweatpants and one of those tank-top/bra looking things. I didn't matter to me, she looked more appealing than a play boy bunny at a pool party.

M: "Is there room for one more on that couch of yours?"

K: "Sure, as long as u don't sleep off & start snoring" (chuckle).

M: "(Sigh) tell dat to ur friend, its so pissed off right now. He's been ignoring me all day. Then he tells me to spend the night here and drinks himself into a coma"

K: "(Laugh) awww, come on now. I'm sure he didn't do it on purpose. You know he had to give everyone attention. It was his party after all"

M: "Yeah, right. Everyone but me. Don't defend him Kevin, I hate it when you do that. Whose side are you on anyways, mine or his? He doesn't give a shit about me and we both know it. He just wants a hot chic to call his own and a steady screw. Well he's not getting some from me, at least not tonight".

K: (Hian!!! This strike had better not affect me o)
"Look, I'm not tryna pick sides love, I just don't think you should judge him so harshly. He's a great guy but he's not the most expressive person. He may not be able to say it in a thousand words but you know what they say, actions speak louder"

M: "Well, his are screaming indifference as far as I'm concerned. Come on kev, let's not talk about this. I'm tired and I need to get my mind off all this"

So I moved a bit and she sat beside me while we watched the last few minutes of the moive. By the time the credits started rolling in we had moved into a more 'confortable' position & were more or less cuddling. Soon she was snuggled close to me, right hand over my bare chest. I was pleased but scared at the same time. My friend could come out of the room at anytime. What if he caught us like this? Even if I played it cool there would be consequences to pay.

She started talking about her relationship problems & I just lay there listening. She talked about her past experiences with guys and how hard it was for her to trust them. She'd been heart broken a few good times and now she had this cynical view that all guys just wanted to get in bed with her. The more she talked the more I started to see her as a real person. She had developed a tough skin but underneath it she had a fragile heart. I was lost in my own thoughts and battling with my raging conscience when out of the blue she asked,

M: "You want me don't u? U're just like the rest of them".

I was stunned, all this time I thought I'd been able to conceal my lust. Now I was trapped, like a stray dog caught in glare of headlights at night. I didn't know where to run. So I tried honesty, veiled honesty.

K: "I won't lie, I find you very attractive michelle, but that doesn't change the fact that you're my friend's girl. Under different circumstances I would have jumped at the chance to make you mine. To make you see that not all guys are fixated on sex, but that's not possible. So let's stop talking about this before we say more things we might regret."

She looked at me with eyes filled with sadness. I knew now that she wanted me, but not just for sex. I had been trying to get her to lust after me but I'd ended up winning her heart. Just as she's stolen mine. I pulled her closer as she began to cry, silently. I couldn't see her face buried against my chest but I felt her warm tears as they flowed freely. We didn't say another word to each other but just held each other as we drifted off to a place where were both free, where she was mine and I was hers. Fantasia....